I know we have not seen eachother in many a day but I am afraid we can no longer be together. As much as I love to have you with me this all needs to stop. I know that I said I loved you but I'm afraid it was just a terrible case of infactuation which is indeed lethal to my kind. I just loved seeing you up on that screen, you were just so darn attractive and I had to have you, but no more!
Now I know you'll want to know what other reasons there are and I won't keep that from you my darling. Ms. Piggy is really starting to think something is up, she found your bra under the bed and I had to lie and say I bought it for her. Needless to say she didn't buy it seeing as how it was way too big but it was worth a shot... for you.
I really can't believe I'm doing this right now, I mean, you threw away your relationship for me! I know you'll hate me my precious dove but this is something that must happen. I'll miss you watching me as I play bango and when you'd stop me from overdosing on my various hardcore drugs but I have a wife for that, I mean sure she's a pig and has a rather serious weight problem but heck, she's still my wife! You know when I said it wasn't easy being green? Well, I wasn'y lying it's gosh darn hard to put up with that pig of a wife!
Oh my gosh! I can't do this my lovely moist honey dew melon, I must have you! Listen we can just have one last fling and then see where things go from there, I know you won't trust me after the rest of this letter but I need you now! I've got two tickets to paradise baby so pack you're bags and we can leave tonight... or rather whenever you get this letter. Hopefully that is by Valentine's Day because I will definitely need you then my graceful little vole! Please respond as soon as you can, I will be staring at the mailbox until I receive your reply. I miss you my gorgeous cloud of marijuana smoke floating in the breeze! I shall see you soon!
Your beloved, Kermit T. Frog
When did Kermie turn into a drug addict???!!!
ReplyDeleteLove the other details, though. Very funny. Although, wouldn't Miss Piggy have three bras? Think about it....
Well done...though the "moist honey dew melon" line is one I hope you NEVER try on a girl.