The Legend Known as Wiarton Willie

A while ago while driving home from the movie theater me and a few of my buds started a conversation about the groundhog Wiarton Willie. It started off with one of my friends just going on and on about Willie and how much the Japanese wanted to get him and me and my friends were literally in tears after about 10 minutes of the story so I'm going to try and retell the story to the best of my ability. One day while sitting in the Fish & Chips place in Tobermorry the Japanese would start sending in their kamikaze planes and bombing the shit out of the small town. They would start to take hostages and kill civilians asking them "where is Wiarton Willie?" and the fact was; no one knew. The Japanese had discovered the groundhog in Wiarton was just a decoy to distract them so that's why they came to Tobermorry so they could get some answers. They explained why they were after Willie and it turned out he had stolen their top secret technology. What does the technology do you may ask? Well only The Japanese, Willie and Santa know that. Yeah that's right mother f'n SANTA! he helped Wiarton escape from Japan after he had stolen the technology which was convenient cause Wiarton didn't want to swim. this unfortunately was on December 6, 1941. Willie was dropped off at Pearl Harbor for the night but the next day things didn't go as planned. The Japanese bombed Pearl Harbor just to try and get their technology back everyone was completely shock about the whole ideal. to escape Willie swam across the ocean and hid out in Europe for a while not to be seen for a many years. the Japanese were clueless.

 Fast forward to the year 2012, the Mayans predicted the end of the world and they were right. On December 12, 2012 the Japanese launched nukes at Europe and America hoping to get Willie this caused a nuclear war unlike anything this world had ever seen. everything was wiped out billions dead... The Japanese of course had planned for it and secured themselves in fallout shelters beforehand so that they could hunt Willie down afterwards. They sent out millions of patrols searching for the rogue groundhog but they had no luck; but Willie was sick of hiding and with the help of his fellow groundhogs Balzac Billy and General Beauregard Lee he suited up and took the attack to the Japanese. They took out many forces before they finally had to retreat due to the terrifying death of Balzac Billy. Willie and the General couldn't move fast enough and were quickly being pursued by the Japanese; that's when Santa came in. Santa took out Japanese forces with his rocket launchers and mini guns mounted on his sleigh. After an epic battle he got Willie and the General on his sleigh and took off into the distance. The Japanese knew where they were gonna hold out. They were heading to the North Pole. Things are gonna step up a notch.

 Nuclear winter has now set in the entire world is covered in snow and many survivors find themselves either freezing or starving to death. The only place unaffected is the North Pole; this is where Willie and the General are holding out with Santa. Willie and his team were quickly joined by Shubenacadie Sam and Punxsutawny Phil who are some fellow groundhogs, and just when they started to settle the invasion happened. The Japanese sent all the forces at their disposal into the north pole. Igloos were bombed to nothing, Santas workshop was soon just a crater in the snowy ground and thousands of elves were slaughtered by the Japanese's unstoppable ground forces; tanks, APC's, and millions of troops completely annihilated everything in their path. Santa's anti aircraft guns quickly put a stop to the bombing but by that tie it was too late the ground forces were advancing. Willie, Santa and team were all holding out in Santa's Ice Palace which is not unlike the Fortress of Solitude. Willie and his squad of elite groundhogs managed to hold off the troops and tanks but that's when the mechs came in. This technology had never even been seen before which means the Japanese were pulling out their big guns. It was an epic battle but Willie manged to win at the cost of his two good friends Sam and Phil who were gunned down in a hail of gunfire. Willie, Santa and the General were exhausted and felt defeated but they had to fight on. That's when they saw it; a sick freak of nature it looked like a mutated groundhog with no fur and that's when Willie realized. It was Balzac Billy. Willie knew he had to face his best friend alone so he went into the blizzard to face this beast. After a frantic fight of clawing and biting Willie emerged victorious holding the head of Billy in his hand. He used this as a warning to the Japanese which caused the to back off; their sick experiment has failed. So slowly but surely civilization rebuilt itself, global warming helped get rid of the nuclear winter and soon the Earth was back to normal. The Japanese of course did not get the luxury of living in this new Utopia that was created instead they were banished to live out eternity in Antarctica. From that day on Willie was worshiped as a god and a statue of him, the General and Santa were built in their honour and let's not forget about the brave groundhogs who lost their lives for this planet. Balzac Billy, Shubenacadie Sam and Punxsutawny Phil you will not be forgotten!

COMING SOON WIARTON WILLIE PREQUEL: 

find out what happened when he went back in time to get the technology and what it did to him.